I grew up in Minsk
Hanna in Minsk. Author: Hanna Vasilenko
Hanna Vasilenko / February 10, 2020
(4 min read)
I was born and raised in Minsk, my school years passed here, where I first fell in love and then broke up, skipped classes at McDonald’s and drank champagne in the yard. Here I made friends, rode on a skateboard, and drank a lot of coffee. Here I went to university, found a job for the first time, and it was from here that I always wanted to escape.
My memories of my youth from Minsk are an endless stream of experiments with myself, my body and my desires. The emergence of new interests and rebellion. This was the time of growing up and rejecting the rules that have been inculcated in me by adults – I had to do this and that, I had to act like this and that, I had to study here and there. It was a wild time for me, as I tried to grasp and understand this world I found myself in, just like any other teenager in the world. In Belarus, it was the same for me and my friends, as well. I was a teenager trying to adapt to the system of norms and traditions. It is undeniable that we live in the most peaceful time of all, especially in Europe. I personally have never seen wars or bloody revolutions.
Nobody imposes an ideology on me in Belarus, in spite of how many people may imagine living in Belarus under Lukashenko is like. It is not like in the Soviet Union in the past, where state officials heavily guarded even the most personal matters of the everyday matters. We are not kept at gunpoint, our friends and relatives do not disappear in the middle of the night.
“I prefer film cameras to new digital ones. I feel like I am lost in time.”
As a Belarusian teenager, I also had mixed feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness, and fear of the future. I wanted to do everything and learn about everything. I fell in love with philosophy and Žižek, French films and Truffaut, reflected on the principle of man and his views on freedom in the Belarusian context. I had a thirst for new knowledge and discoveries. I wore cliché pants, glitter, and dived into the rave culture of Europe of the 80s. I wore berets, and dreamed of a red plaid coat, watched movies of Godard to find myself in Paris of the 60s. I set the table with a white tablecloth, drink Soviet champagne and play Vysotsky on the guitar. I prefer film cameras to new digital ones. I feel like I am lost in time.
Minsk’s subculture. Author: Hanna Vasilenko
“I entered university, and after a while, like many, I realized that my expectations were broken into thousands of small pieces on Belarusian stones of reality.”
I love Minsk, I like to watch how it blooms in spring and is covered with golden colors in autumn. I love Minsk’s summer when you can walk a lot and lie on the grass near the river. I like to ride a bike and curse everything around returning home uphill. I like to walk in the area, where trees grow on each side of the street, forming small pedestrian alleys. I like to buy ice cream and stop by in Soviet courtyards: benches painted the last time during Perestroika, and grannies nursing cats. I loved going to ‘Centralniy Universam’ every morning, which is our most popular grocery store, to buy the best flatbread with cheese.
I entered university, and after a while, like many, I realized that my expectations were broken into thousands of small pieces on Belarusian stones of reality. The Soviet system of education, repression of students by faculty members against every opinion and action we did. This system was not designed for people like me. I studied the Constitution and basic Human Rights in the country, meanwhile, people on the streets were beaten by the police. Violent dispersal was used against citizens during peaceful protests. Something was definitely wrong and I needed to change something.
I needed a breath of fresh air, change of environment. I needed to shake the politics off my life. I needed an environment that would allow me to test my strength. I longed for more freedom. Also on a personal level, as far as I can remember, I have always found the reasons for my failures: low grades? Teachers’ fault. Failed my exam? Perhaps I’m studying the wrong subject. I dropped out of courses - it was more fun to walk with friends. I started having quarrels with parents - they don’t understand anything, I know better. It seemed to be that everyone around me in Minsk was doing great, while I felt like a failure.
“For the first time in my life, I returned to Minsk with a desire to actually come back there.”
I dropped out of law school with great relief and a new challenge ahead. I took a life retreat and drove with one suitcase to a small town in the Balkan mountains - to teach English to local children. The personal problems were mine to deal with. So I focused on myself first. When I came to Bulgaria, I was faced with a cultural shock and misunderstanding. It felt like just another failure for me in the beginning. But I was lucky with people around me, and after a while, I opened my eyes and examined my own behavior and attitudes towards people. I stopped trying to constantly fix other people, I realized home is not someplace outside you can visit, but a state of mind. I began to enjoy the “here and now”, appreciating the care with which other people tried to endowed me, and as a result, I tried to give it back to them. After 7 months, I returned home with a baggage of incredible memories, new plans, and goals. For the first time in my life, I returned to Minsk with a desire to actually come back there.
Since September I study in Bratislava. I have changed my attitude. I told myself that I can achieve anything that I really want to. I took my failures as a learning experience and as an opportunity to grow. You can, of course, learn from the mistakes of others, but you only remember your own. I feel like the more obstacles a person overcomes, the stronger they will become. My youth experience in Minsk made me a person whom I would admire a couple of years ago. Someone who is not afraid of challenges, someone who can step out of her comfort zone and come back stronger and more resilient.
A young couple during the protests in Minsk. Author: Hanna Vasilenko
