Angry rant - Hipsters and cafes
Barista and his customer discussing something with smile while sitting at bar counter at cafe. Credit: Royalty free photo - Shutterstock (https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/sharing-good-news-barista-his-customer-407607205 )
Martin Klein / January 27, 2020
( 2 min read )
I don’t consider myself a snob in terms of music or coffee at all, at least compared to every hardcore hipster friend I’ve ever had. You know, hipsters, the subculture responsible for a whole generation looking like homeless people wearing gold chains, their favorite indie band being called something like “bananas in outer space” with a cult following consisting of ten people on Bandcamp. Hipsters tend to destroy everything you love because their whole persona is based on urinating all over your favorite music, films, works of art and personal philosophical views. It is not an uncommon experience I have gone through, that a 45-minute long conversation with a yellow flannel-wearing stranger made me realize that Radiohead, the Life of Brian, Egon Schiele and agnosticism are: “Sooooo overrated”. Easily manipulated people who do not have hard rock opinions suffer from this phenomenon the most, very likely becoming a beanie enthusiast in the process themselves. Hipsters prey on the weak. The strong-willed are capable of distracting hipsters with retro objects, that is why it is good to always carry in your bag a couple of old polaroid pictures. When the hipster approaches you, you tape the picture on a frisbee, and throw it as far as you can, that should give you enough time to escape. Thank me later.
Hipsters are certainly peculiar creatures. They can be found in numerous areas. Art galleries, which after 9 pm transform into a themed night club. A clothing shop in a garage, where the cars serve as changing rooms. A 90s retro bicycle shop, where the staff can make you traditional Czech dumplings while you wait for your sweet new ride. The possibilities are limitless. But one establishment exceeds all, for it is so hipster-like that you are bound to run into at least a couple of the oiled mustache freaks when you venture into them. I am of course talking about cafes. When coffee was brought to Europe in the 17th century, Europeans were skeptical at best. But soon, coffee dominated our known world, satisfying workaholics, fresh parents and people who cannot afford hardcore drugs alike. When coffee shops started appearing, the glorious capitalistic tradition leads to their mutual competition, and the strive for originality became crucial. That’s why you can see so many hipsters sipping their organic-based pumpkin spice lattes, because finding your favorite coffee shop, is as important to a hipster, as is for a wizard to find his wand, essentially letting their fake originality manifest itself into the fake originality of their favorite coffee shop. Hipsters and coffee shops deserve each other. Their content is expensive but looks cheap. They seem to know their way around the topics of coffee and could talk for hours about how these specific beans were grown in the outskirts of Luanda, with tender hands of men and women, who dedicated their lives to growing coffee. But if you would ask the same hipster where exactly Luanda is, the conversation would very likely stop right then and there.
